Adam Lambert To Be As Gay As He Likes On ABC Again
By Stuart Heritage on Tuesday, December 8, 2009 at 1:00pm
Adam Lambert has had an awful couple of weeks – ABC had banned him, and he was starved of publicity as a result.
Except that’s not quite how it worked. In fact, being banned from Good Morning America and Jimmy Kimmel Live and New Year’s Rockin’ Eve ended up making Adam Lambert even more famous than ever. And since its plan to destroy Adam Lambert backfired so spectacularly, ABC is now seeking revenge. The worst revenge that it could ever take on anybody.
That’s right – Adam Lambert has been invited to appear on The View. Pray for his soul, readers, for he hasn’t done anything to deserve this.
Forget Rosa Parks refusing to give up her seat on the bus. Forget the Berlin wall coming down. This, truly, is the greatest day for equality in all of history. That’s right – Adam Lambert is going to appear on a mediocre daytime TV show hosted by a gang of awful screeching women. Take that, bigots!
Oh, the road that Adam Lambert has walked to get to this point. After kissing a man in the face at the American Music Awards a few weeks ago, Adam Lambert was cast out into the television wilderness. Good Morning America banned him. Jimmy Kimmel Live and New Year’s Rockin’ Eve banned him. The Early Show didn’t ban him, but it did blur out the offending kiss in case the sight of it suddenly turned everyone quite gay.
This wasn’t just a vendetta against Adam Lambert. This was a vendetta against all men who’ve come second in talent shows and then mimed oral sex on a man during a song about S&M on a live television awards show. And, deep down, isn’t that all of us?
However, it turns out that ABC looks like the bad guy here. By banning Adam Lambert from all of its shows, ABC was exposing itself to accusations of homophobia, and that’d never do – after all, ABC broadcasts Desperate Housewives, a TV show starring Teri Hatcher, Eva Longoria and two other gay men. Banning Adam Lambert was doing the network’s public image no good at all. So a compromise has been reached – Adam Lambert will appear on The View on Thursday. The Washington Post reports:
Lambert is scheduled to sing on the network’s daytime yakker “The View” on Thursday. That’s the day after Lambert talks with Babs Walters on ABC’S “10 Most Fascinating People of 2009.” Only, unlike three other planned Lambert performances that ABC has canceled in recent days, this week’s performance was taped in advance. This gives ABC time to surgically remove any naughty bits.
Taping Adam Lambert’s appearance in advance is an extremely smart move – not only will it filter out any of Adam’s risque moments, but it’ll also give ABC the chance to edit out the bit where Adam Lambert gets too close to Elisabeth Hasselbeck and her head starts involuntarily spinning around and spitting acid everywhere. Everyone’s a winner.